Nicolais: Jax Gratton embodied pride more than one month a year

Celebrating Pride every June means celebrating the people who have lived that pride, often under the duress of threats and hostility in the world around them. And sometimes it means remembering courageous souls no longer with us.

After she had been missing for more than six weeks, Lakewood police confirmed Jax Gratton’s body had been found in a Lakewood alley. A transgender woman, she led a life that defined herself as so much more than her gender. That is the message her friends and family have focused on in the wake of this tragedy.

I did not know Gratton, but it haunts me that I must have driven by the place where her lifeless body lay undisturbed and  unfound for weeks. The location is not in some derelict block or rural backroad. It is a few blocks from my church, along one of Colorado’s busiest streets, just north of an elementary school and steps away from a Discount Tire, the iconic Davie’s Chuckwagon Diner and a flower shop.

That she lay so close to a place where people seek beautiful blooms to express themselves seems more than poetic and awfully fated. Gratton dedicated herself to bringing beauty into the world for people, especially those over-exposed to the ugliest in human nature. You do not have to look further than the website for her hair salon, Studio by Jax, to find her guiding principle:

“I know first-hand the frustrating and overwhelming feeling of ‘not feeling beautiful.’ Every morning I wake and transform — from bed-head to confident and shining … but true beauty comes from within. I’m here to help you feel confident, from the moment you sit in my chair and into your daily routine.” 

In an industry historically dedicated to dividing people between two genders, she rejected that premise. She treated every individual as their own, unique person to be celebrated. She saw beauty not in social constructs, but in the small idiosyncrasies that made each client special. She did not just clip hair, but took care of people.

Gratton did that with passion. She did that with pride.

In a world and country that targeted women like her over the past few years, living unapologetically qualified as victory on a daily basis. Just as she fiercely protected the safe space in her salon, she used her platform to promote LGBTQ not-for-profits and gave discounted rates to anyone who donated to children. She made her life meaningful by making the lives of others better.

Gratton lived her life of hope and positivity despite coming from a community increasingly under threat. From threats to their civil rights to threats of violence, transgender people in America have involuntarily become a political and cultural lightning rod.

The unfair, false narrative that people demonizing the transgender community have spun suggests and infers that transgender individuals, particularly transgender women, have engaged in some nefarious plot to make their lives easier. Easier to gain access to cisgender girls, easier to compete in sports, easier to win scholarships or promotions at work.

Those are all lies. 

There is nothing “easier” about being a transgender woman. None I know have ever made that choice to make their lives easier. To the contrary, any transgender individual choosing to live their authentic life understands the substantial costs involved.

They risk being rejected by friends and family. They find it harder to gain employment and housing, despite laws that should protect them. Compared to almost any other group, the community demonstrates much higher rates of being unhoused, targeted for violence, depression and death by suicide.

Transgender individuals draw unwanted attention, both in hushed tones behind their backs and terrible slurs yelled into their faces. The transition itself requires substantial financial investment and years of patience, even as the person they see in the mirror does not look like the person they see in their mind’s eye. 

In fact, being openly transgender weighs so heavily that only the most committed and strong and radiant accept the cost.

Gratton had paid her dues and made herself amazing. Unwilling to simply be grateful, though, she became an advocate and cheerleader for others. She lent others the strength she found in herself.

When she went missing, the people who loved her returned the favor. They did not let people forget her. They did not let law enforcement or the media become lax. They posted and asked questions and kept looking, kept hoping. They did not let her star fade into anonymity.

Right now, we do not have answers about what happened to Gratton just under two months ago or how she wound up where she did. Those are the circumstances for speculation and tortured fears. But the touching tributes to her prove that her light shone through those dark emotions, even in death.

Proud to be who she was, Jax Gratton made the world better through her life and even after she left. There is no better embodiment of all that Pride means.

Mario Nicolais is an attorney and columnist who writes on law enforcement, the legal system, health care and public policy. Follow him on Bluesky: @MarioNicolais.bsky.social.

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